I'm gonna have a badass scar
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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