Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
