ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just made out with a guy for $7.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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