Sry I called you an 8
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
