I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's shark week go big or go home
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
