it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
