Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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