the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
