# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
