Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
