TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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