I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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