the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
