quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize