Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
