WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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