Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
