FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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