U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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