2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
