I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
