Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
