hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
