and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
