No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
