Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
worst night to have a conscience
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
