Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
