please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
