wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
