9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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