Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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