it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
