hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
