Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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