i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize