I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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