True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
