you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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