Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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