i just had sex bonerless
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
