atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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