I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
