guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The air taste purple.
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