It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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