Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
