I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
