I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
