Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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