I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
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