Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
