It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You left your phone here
Wait...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
