Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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