Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
