So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
