Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
