just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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