"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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