if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
