Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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