went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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