Got a toothbrush?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
why is half of my head shaved?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
