and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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