Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
