i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
