her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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