I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
