very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
